Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
