you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
