I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
