This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
