She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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