Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
