woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
