i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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