The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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