Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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