True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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