that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
