mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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