I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
