I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
