Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
