is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
