True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
