will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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