I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
