I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there's paper in my vomit.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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