i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
