the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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