i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
