I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
