the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was like eating out sand paper
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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