I think I died a long time ago.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
