finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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