I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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