Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
