I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
