She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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