this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
