so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
