if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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