Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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