WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
