remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
