i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
