Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
