So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
