He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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