The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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