Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
