can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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