She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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