Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
