How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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