forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
