just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
