Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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