I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
