Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
