So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
