You made me cry and you don't even care
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
