He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
