Will you blow on my dice?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
